When Should an Elderly Parent Stop Driving? Signs and the Talk

There's no birthday when an elderly parent should stop driving. The National Institute on Aging says there is not one recommended age to quit, and NHTSA says decisions about driving should never be based on age alone. It's time when a pattern of warning signs shows up (near misses, new dents, getting lost on familiar roads, confusing the pedals), when their doctor recommends it, or when a professional driving evaluation says so. Most families get the best result by raising it early, cutting back in steps, and letting a doctor or evaluator be the referee.

Age isn't the test. The pattern is.

Plenty of 85-year-olds drive well, and some 70-year-olds shouldn't. What changes with age is how much a crash costs. The CDC reports that in 2022, about 9,100 older adults were killed in traffic crashes, and over 270,000 were treated in emergency departments for crash injuries. It adds that the higher crash death rates for drivers 70 and older are primarily due to increased vulnerability to injury. In other words, a fender bender at 40 can be a hip fracture at 82.

NHTSA also has a warning for families, and it's a humbling one. In its guide for relatives, it says it isn't uncommon for families to be wrong about a driver's risk, and that a person's driving performance, not age, determines fitness to drive. So before you decide anything, collect evidence.

Warning signs to watch for

Most of these, on their own, don't mean your parent has to hand over the keys. NHTSA's guide for families says no single sign proves someone is an unsafe driver, but several together are a reason to step in. This checklist pulls from NIA, NHTSA, AAA and the Alzheimer's Association.

In the car

• Rolls through stop signs or red lights, or doesn't yield
• Drifts across lanes or straddles them
• Changes lanes without checking mirrors or blind spots
• Drives much slower or faster than traffic
• Stops at green lights or in the middle of intersections
• Confuses the gas and brake, or lifts the whole leg to move between them
• Has trouble with left turns, merging, or highway exits
• Other drivers honk or pass often
• Relies on a passenger to say when it's clear

Around the car and the calendar

• New dents or scrapes they can't explain, or paint on the mailbox and garage frame
• Two or more tickets, warnings, crashes or near misses in the last two years
• Coming home much later than usual from a routine errand, with no clear explanation
• Insurance premiums going up because of driving
• Neighbors or friends mentioning their driving
• Their doctor has suggested cutting back

Some of these matter more than others. NHTSA says failing to stop at red lights and stop signs, or failing to yield, needs immediate action. One AAA club's guide is just as blunt about the passenger-as-lookout habit: anyone who can't drive safely without a copilot shouldn't be driving at all. And getting lost on a route they've driven for 30 years is a reason to call the doctor, not just to worry about the car.

Some signs show up at the kitchen table instead. NHTSA lists new confusion, dizziness when standing, falls and stiff joints, and notes that an illness, a medication change or the loss of a spouse can make driving harder.

How to watch without turning it into a sting

The best evidence is riding along. NHTSA suggests watching at different times of day, in different traffic and weather, so you see the whole picture rather than one bad Tuesday. If riding along isn't possible, following in your own car works too.

Write down what you see, and date every note. NHTSA points out that dated notes become useful later if a doctor gets involved. "Drifted into the turn lane twice on Route 9, Oct 4" persuades a doctor, and a skeptical brother, far better than "Mom's driving seems off." Our guide to siblings sharing caregiving has ideas for keeping a shared log.

Check the medicine cabinet first

Some driving problems are fixable. The FDA notes that some prescription and over-the-counter medicines can cause drowsiness, blurred vision, dizziness and slowed movement, sometimes lasting into the next day. Its list includes sleeping pills, some antidepressants, anxiety medicines like benzodiazepines, opioids, muscle relaxants, bladder medicines, and cold and allergy products containing antihistamines.

If the decline started around a new prescription, that's worth a call to the doctor or pharmacist before anything else. Bring a complete list, including the bedtime allergy pill your parent doesn't think counts. Our medication list guide covers what to write down.

How to bring it up

Who should say it

The messenger matters. The Hartford and the MIT AgeLab built their family conversation guide, We Need to Talk, on research with drivers over 50. Their survey is old (questionnaires went out in 2002), so treat the numbers as a rough guide rather than today's figures. Back then, half of married drivers said they'd want to hear concerns from their spouse first, and over 40 percent of drivers living alone wanted to hear first from their doctor. Police were the least welcome messengers of all. The guide also cautions against sending the family's bluntest member to open with an ultimatum; that person may be better saved for later.

When to say it

Earlier than feels necessary. The ideal first conversation happens before there's an incident to argue about, when you're talking about someday instead of last Thursday. If there has been a close call, wait until everyone has calmed down; the Hartford guide notes these talks go better away from the accident scene.

Plan on several conversations. NIA suggests broaching it gradually and coming back to it over time.

What to say

NIA and NHTSA both recommend "I" statements and talking about skills, not age. Here are some ways to put it:

If your parent has already cut back on their own (no night driving, no interstate), say you noticed. The Hartford guide calls that self-limiting a positive step worth praising, and it opens the door to the next conversation.

For a parent diagnosed with early dementia, the Alzheimer's Association suggests something families rarely think of: a driving contract, signed while they're still able to plan, giving you permission to help them stop when the time comes. It's a way to let your parent make the call now, in their own words.

If the answer is a flat no, you're in familiar territory. Our article on when an elderly parent refuses help covers what the "no" usually protects and how to keep talking without a standoff.

Driving less, before driving never

Stopping isn't the only option. NIA says some people with memory loss can still drive short distances on local streets during the day, and suggests limiting the times and distances. For many families the middle stage looks like this:

• Daylight only, and no driving in rain or snow
• Familiar routes, with few left turns and no highways
• No rush hour
• Shorter trips, closer to home
• A car with automatic transmission, large mirrors, a backup camera and other driver-assist features, which NIA suggests considering

NHTSA suggests a written plan, worked out together, and reviewing the transportation side of it at least twice a year to make sure it still works. Some states can make restrictions official: California's DMV, for instance, can limit a license to daylight hours, certain areas, or specialized equipment after a reexamination.

The formal driving evaluation

When you and your parent disagree, an outside evaluation can settle it without anyone having to win. There are two kinds. AAA describes the difference this way:

According to ADED, the association that certifies driver rehabilitation specialists, a clinical evaluation generally includes a clinical assessment and a behind-the-wheel assessment, testing vision, perception, attention, motor function and reaction time, and can average three to eight hours. ADED calls its Certified Driver Rehabilitation Specialist (CDRS) credential the accepted benchmark for quality in the field. The result can be a clean bill, driving with restrictions or equipment, training, or a recommendation to stop.

To find one, use ADED's driver rehabilitation provider search, ask your parent's doctor for a referral, or call the occupational therapy department of a local rehabilitation hospital. The American Occupational Therapy Association also keeps a specialist search, though it now asks you to sign in to an AOTA account. Costs vary by program. ADED says some providers accept medical insurance and others charge a fee, so ask when you call.

When to bring in the doctor

Bring in the doctor when the signs are piling up, when you suspect a medical cause, or when your parent won't hear it from you. The Hartford guide notes that outside the family, older drivers often value their doctor's opinion on driving.

You don't need your parent's permission to tell the doctor what you've seen. HIPAA doesn't stop a doctor from listening. Hearing back is less certain: HIPAA allows a doctor to share what's relevant to your part in your parent's care, but many offices won't without your parent's okay or a signed release, which our HIPAA authorization guide explains. A short note sent before the appointment, with your dated observations, is often the cleanest way in. Our early memory loss planning guide walks through how to write it.

Two practical tips. First, the Hartford guide suggests finding out where the doctor stands before you suggest the visit, because not every doctor wants to be the one who decides. Second, if the doctor does say stop, NIA and the Alzheimer's Association both suggest asking for it in writing. A "Do not drive" note on a prescription pad is something you can show your parent later, when they've forgotten or are disputing what was said.

When to involve the DMV

If talking, the doctor and an evaluation haven't worked, and you believe your parent is unsafe, you can ask the state to take a look. NHTSA says that in almost every state, a family member can report a driver by letter, describing specific unsafe behavior or medical concerns. Depending on the state, your letter may or may not be kept confidential. The DMV may then ask for medical information or require vision, knowledge or road tests.

Rules vary a lot by state. Two examples:

California. You can file a Request for Driver Reexamination (DS 699) or write to a Driver Safety office. The DMV says each request must be signed, but you can ask that your name not be revealed to the driver, and records about a physical or mental condition are confidential under state law. California also requires doctors to report. Under Health and Safety Code section 103900, physicians must report patients diagnosed with disorders characterized by lapses of consciousness to the local health officer, who passes the report to the DMV, and the state's definition must include Alzheimer's disease and related disorders severe enough to likely impair driving. The California DMV also states plainly that it won't reexamine anyone based on age alone.

Texas. The Department of Public Safety accepts written concerns about a driver whose medical condition may affect their driving, and they can be submitted anonymously. A phone call isn't enough for DPS to act. One catch: DPS warns that everything submitted is subject to release under the Texas Public Information Act. Cases with a possible medical condition can go to the state's Medical Advisory Board, a panel of doctors who review the records.

Most other states sit somewhere between these. NIA notes that a few states require doctors to report a dementia diagnosis to the DMV, and the rules for doctors elsewhere differ. Find your parent's state agency through USA.gov's motor vehicle services page and search its site for "medical review" or "driver reexamination."

If they keep driving anyway

For a parent with dementia, the Alzheimer's Association notes that the disease itself can impair insight and judgment, so they may truly not see a problem. It lists taking the keys, disabling the car or selling it as a last resort, and says that when you do, you must also provide safe, reliable rides.

The Hartford guide adds a hard truth: a revoked license, a canceled registration or dropped insurance doesn't stop everyone, because some people drive anyway, and some call a mechanic to fix a disabled car. That's why NIA's list includes moving the car out of sight, or selling it.

Rides to line up before the keys go

NIA's first tip for the conversation is to be prepared, meaning you've found the alternatives before you sit down. A parent who can picture Tuesday's trip to the pharmacy has one less reason to say no.

• The local aging office. The Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116, or eldercare.acl.gov) connects you to your parent's Area Agency on Aging, which knows the local senior ride programs.
• Paratransit. The ADA requires public transit agencies with fixed routes to offer complementary paratransit to people whose disability keeps them from using the regular bus or train. According to the National Aging and Disability Transportation Center, many older adults qualify, the fare can't be more than twice the regular fare, and each transit system runs its own application. The catch for rural parents: the ADA only requires service within three-quarters of a mile of a regular bus route or rail station.
• Volunteer drivers. NIA notes that religious and civic groups sometimes have volunteers who drive older adults.
• Delivery. Groceries, prescriptions and meals delivered to the door cut down on trips, as the Alzheimer's Association points out.
• Family and friends on a schedule. A standing weekly ride is easier to accept than asking each time.
• Taxis and ride services. NIA points out that owning a car is expensive too. Once there's no insurance, maintenance or gas to pay, that money can go toward rides, or toward gas for the friends who drive.

The Hartford guide suggests trying the bus together while it's still a choice. "Let's take the bus downtown so we don't have to park" is a much lighter first ride than the one after the car is sold.

Frequently asked questions

At what age should elderly people stop driving?

There isn't one. NIA says there's no recommended age to quit. Watch for a pattern of warning signs, and consider a professional evaluation if you see several.

Can a doctor take away my parent's driver's license?

Not directly. Suspending or restricting a license is up to the state licensing agency. A doctor can advise your parent to stop, put it in writing, refer them for a driving evaluation, and, depending on the state, report them to the DMV. Some states, like California, require doctors to report certain conditions.

Can I report my parent to the DMV anonymously?

It depends on the state. Texas accepts unsigned written concerns, but warns that submissions are subject to public information requests. California requires a signature but lets you ask that your name be withheld. Check your parent's state before you write.

What is the difference between a DMV road test and a driving evaluation?

A DMV test checks whether someone meets the minimum standard to hold a license. A clinical driving evaluation by an occupational therapist goes further: it looks at the medical reasons behind any problems and can recommend restrictions, equipment, training, or stopping.

Keeping the new plan where everyone can find it

Once the driving question is settled, there's a small pile of loose ends: who drives Mom to the eye doctor on Thursdays, the paratransit ID number, the volunteer program's phone line, where the car title and insurance card went if the car is sold. You can keep all of that in a notebook by the phone. Or Emergency Binder Now can organize it, along with the rest of your parent's essentials, from about 25 minutes of guided questions: a printable binder with their contacts, doctors, medications, vehicle details and daily routine, a one-page Emergency Information Sheet for paramedics, and a list of what's still missing. You can see a sample binder first.

This article is general information, not legal or medical advice. Driver licensing and medical reporting rules differ by state and change over time. For your parent's situation, talk with their doctor and check with their state's licensing agency.